Getting back out there...

I am having a major crisis of confidence over a conference paper I am writing.

It's the first piece of new research writing I have done since I submitted my thesis a LONG time ago. My last conference paper was taken from my thesis, so I knew before I went to the conference that that reading of that play has already been 'approved' in a variety of ways. This is new. This is mine. And I haven't had a supervisor read it, or an examiner tell me it's good enough to pass.

I think my paper will be one of the last on the day, and I'm concerned that, after everyone else's, mine will look very thin. There are so many other things I would like to do to it / add to it, but there just isn't space in a 20 minute paper. I'm also worried that I have fallen into 'lecture writing' mode, since lectures are the only things I have researched and written in the last 2-3 years. I work hard on my lectures, to produce informative and critically engaged / engaging material for the students, but I also think that this is a different discipline from research related writing.

I made a deliberate decision to produce something new for this conference, to boost my research self-esteem (when you've produced nothing other than lectures for a few years, you start to wonder if you'll ever be able to get back into it). But at the moment I feel more academically (and professionally) vulnerable than I have felt in a very long time.

I suppose the only real way to overcome this is to expose my paper to the questions and criticisms of the conference delegates and see what happens.

But I admit, I'm a more than a little bit scared.

Election time

I know this is going to be the tightest run election in a long time, and the resulting government structure is somewhat uncertain, but in some ways, I have to say, I am bored with it.

I am bored of not being told exactly what each party's policies are, and I believe this is because being told exactly what they plan for us would make them less 'electable' / popular. This is not a high popularity contest; this is an election to government.

I am bored of getting SO many leaflets from Political Parties in the mail that all tell me why I should not vote for 'the other guy' but not telling me why specifically I ought to vote for the leaflet sender ('because the other guy would be really rubbish' is not an answer).

I am bored of answering my door buzzer to find that it is someone who wants me to give them access to the building so they can leave yet more unhelpful leaflets in my mailbox.

I am bored of being treated like I am stupid; like I don't know that I'm not being told true facts. My least favourite tactic assumes that I will be swayed to vote a particular way by a leaflet full of photos of famous people who think I should. I may be a fan of many of these celebrities, but as I said before, this is not a popularity contest; the support of famous people does not necessarily make your policies the best ones.

I will go to vote tomorrow, and I hope I make a sensible choice. But I suspect, if I do, this will be inspite of, not because of, the information I have been given.


Edited to add: since the result gave us a hung parliament, I'm finding it a little more interesting!