Application enthusiasm.

Gathering up the enthusiasm to complete another application for a full time, permanent lectureship that I'm pretty sure I've got no chance of getting is very tough. I'm sure that lots of you reading Falling Leaves know and understand that feeling. And that you will also recognise the little nagging voice that I can hear in my head, saying "but this one might be the one you could have got, and if you don't apply then you won't get it and will have missed an opportunity. You will miss out and it will be your own fault".

So here I am, trying to finish marking a pile of essays by Monday morning (so that they can be moderated whilst I am at my admin job in the middle of the week and then can complete the marking admin processes and get them back to the office for the unmoveable deadline of Friday), attempting to prepare a lecture for 9am on Friday morning (my admin job takes 9-5 on Tues, Weds and Thurs), and trying convince myself to squeeze in completing the application for this job that I'm not going to get ("but might be the one I could have got if only I made the time to apply for it").

I just happened to check my mailbox on the way back from the shop today for mail from yesterday, and I had received a rejection letter for a job for which I applied some weeks ago. You may think, "At least they said thanks but no thanks, which is more than most places." And I'd agree with you. But I received a rejection letter from the same institution for the same job last week. Now, I know this is proabably just an admin error - maybe through a change of staff - but, being rejected twice for the same job seems particularly harsh. They really don't want me.

And it's not helping my levels of application enthusiasm.