Recurring Dreams

I have a recurring dream. It is not always exactly the same setting, or exactly the same ending to the narrative, but there have now been 3 variations on the theme: I'm pregnant, but I don't have the baby. (Family and friends, this is not a disguised announcement; those who don't know me, I don't have any children.)

In the first one, I was very heavily pregnant and there were lots of people - friends, family, people I don't know - gathered in a room. I don't remember why. They were all talking to me and very excited about the imminent arrival of the baby, though. I walked into a different room (it became a chapel) and went into labour. I went to the hospital, but there was no baby. Apparently, there had never been one. I just sort of physically 'deflated'. I was very confused; I was absolutely sure there had been. I had felt its weight. I went back to the gathering. Everyone was very disappointed, and many of them thought I'd lied to them - made it up - and now they didn't want anything to do with me.

The second one I don't remember quite so clearly. I remember that I was pregnant and went into labour and then everything just stopped. It didn't disappear, like the first one, but I didn't get any further in having it. I just went home, still pregnant.

In the third one - last night's dream - again, I was heavily pregnant. I thought I had gone into labour. I went to a hospital, got to a nurses' station and then it stopped. A false alarm. 'These things happen', said the nurse, and away we went. Then we (a group of friends, though not all people I know in my waking life) seemed to be on holiday, and we went to eat in the breakfast room of the Bed and Breakfast. It was upstairs on a sort of mezzane level, but the decoration was like a country cottage kitchen. There were only chairs around one (longer) side of a fairly large oval table. There was one empty seat and too many of us, so I said someone else could have the seat instead of me. I said I wasn't very comfortable sitting anyway, and I wandered around a for a while, snacking. I set off down the stairs again and went into labour - not a false alarm this time. No attempt to get to a hospital, and there was no doubt that there actually was a baby, but despite my best efforts and the support of a friend, I couldn't push it out. I kept trying and trying, and the effort was exhausting and painful (I was watching myself shaking with the effort, and could see my face reddening) but it wasn't going to leave my body.

I think I must have left the dream then, because I can't remember any more beyond that, but I'm not surprised I was extremely tired when the Physio brought me a cup of tea to wake me up this morning.

Whilst there is the possibility that these dreams might in some way be related to a desire to have children at some point, I doubt that the surface story is the real meaning of what my subconscious is trying to sort out. Possibly something to do with delivering on a project or fulfilling potential, but my subconscious is worried that I can't do it. Maybe I am too. I wish I knew exactly what it is, though...