Packing

Well I'm just about packed up for my trip to Supermum's house for the - to use an Americanism - "holiday season". I had to pack last night because I am at my secretary job all day today, and am being picked up straight after work. But now I have packed, I seem to have an awful lot of stuff for the two weeks I'll be there. It looks like I've packed for months!

Two of the bags are work-related stuff, though (a note to the London Busdriver - I may not have to be at work for two weeks, but I do have to work during that two weeks) to finish a couse handbook, write a review, mark essays and prep. for teaching. The good news about the latter is that I get to read novels and call it work. The bad news is that I need to read at least 4 of them. I have also packed a couple of pairs of fabulous shoes. Because at Christmas, New Year and on my birthday, I will get the opportunity to wear them. And I won't be able to wear them if I don't take them with me, will I?

The rapidly increasing number of bags I found I had packed reminded me of a friend from school, who would always pack two bags when she came to stay, even if it was only for one night: the bag of stuff she actually needed (nightdress, washbag, change of clothes) and then the stuff she brought just in case she needed it. Her "just in case" bag. It usually had other clothes in it, in case we went anywhere that required a particular outfit, and there had to be at least two outfits to choose from in case one didn't look right. And a variety of make up. And other strange items that I have now forgotten.

Because I can't drive, I tend not to pack a separate "just in case" bag. In much train travelling, I have learned that the smaller your bag, the better for ease of bag storage on the train, and - and this one is important - only pack what you can actually carry. That said, my New York friend once said to me, as I juggled suitcases onto a train to Newark airport, "my, you're strong for a wee thing". Well, I don't know about that, but I can usually carry my own suitcases.

But this time, for my Christmas trip to supermum's, I am very grateful I'm being collected. I have packed way more than I could possibly carry, and none of it is in a "just in case bag".

OK. Maybe I don't need all of the fabulous shoes. But if you can't wear fabulous shoes during the holiday season, when can you?

Navigating feelings....

Whilst reading a collection of essays on Shakespeare's sonnets, I came across this quotation from William Reddy's The Navigation of Feeling: A Framework for the History of Emotions (CUP 2001) and had to share it:

'Suffering that results from goal conflicts is seen also in love relationships... Seeking out a loved one may realize a high-priority desire to be with the person, but it may also expose one to rejection - and thus to the knowledge that one has not embraced the loved one's own goals. This happens most obviously when the loved one makes clear the desire to avoid the lover... When and in what ways ought one to seek out the loved one in order to bring about a change of heart? When and in what ways ought one to accept the loved one's expressed aversion for oneself? Emotional suffering occurs when high-priority goals are in conflict in this way'. (p.123)

Unfortunately, the quotation ends here without answering these questions. Anyone tempted to seek out the book and see if it has any good suggestions?

Essay requests

I've had enough of undergraduate essays. And I haven't even started marking yet.

The Philosophy Department had essays due at the end of term. Lots of essays. For some reason, and I don't know what it was, 8 courses had essays due by 5pm last Friday. So there was a mountain of essays to date stamp, mark in as submitted, and sort out for tutors. Usually all of that wouldn't be my job. But early on Monday, the undergrad secretary had to go home ill, so she sent me an email asking me to deal with them. When I got to work on Tuesday morning, I started sorting them out; first into piles for each course, then into piles for each tutor for the courses where there was more than one. They are submitted anonymously, by Student ID rather than name, so logging them as submitted was a two stage process - matching name to ID and then marking the date of submission next to the name in the file (the ID number is also there, but it would take hours to match them manually).

One of the lecturers came into the office and said she needed to collect her essays for marking, and she had told the undergrad secretary this. I explained she was away sick, and I was processing the essays and I'd get to hers next but someone else had already asked for theirs. She said OK, and started to leave, and then muttered that his could wait and she needed hers urgently today. I said I would do them next. And they were all done in plenty of time for her to catch her train, but it did confuse my system because I had to do her option unit and then some of the first year essays (sort out hers but not do all of them because that was the largest set, and none of the other first year tutors had asked for theirs; I knew other lecturers were waiting). It's a very boring job, but also requires a certain amount of systematic concentration to make sure no one's essay goes astray or doesn't get logged. As a general rule, though, please have some patience when only 2 of 4 office staff are working, you aren't the only memeber of staff asking for essays so that they can go away for Christmas (I am working until 23rd) and one is trying to catch up on something that would have been done the day before if another wasn't off sick.

I wasn't working on Wednesday, so today I had to finish off the essay organising. On Tuesday, I'd made a list of what I'd done for each course: stamped, noted as submitted, contacted tutor, given to tutor etc. I started on the courses that I hadn't already noted down, and when I'd done that I began to send out emails to tutors.

Until I couldn't find a batch of essays.

I looked all over my office. I looked all over the undergrad secretary's office. I checked my list to see if I had actually marked them as in (and I had - I'd even left a note to myself about a student in the records). And I panicked. Out of all the essays I had sorted and moved around I just couldn't work out where I might have left them. So I went to see the tutor who ran the course, and asked if I'd given them to him. "Oh! Yeah," he said, "I came in and took them yesterday. I probably should have left you a note, or something". Yes. Yes you should. So for the record:

NEVER, under any circumstances should you just TAKE essays out of a pile in the secretary's office without at the very least leaving them a note. EVER.

Please.

Counting down.

Someone told me this morning that it will be Christmas day in ten days time.

I was inclined to laugh, until I realised that it was actually true.

Ten days to Christmas.

I am, at least, almost prepared in terms of presents. I'm afraid most of my shopping was done online this year. Not very Christmassy, I suppose, but I have put thought into presents and / or got people what they've asked for, so I guess that is what counts, rather than the going out and making my way through the Christmas shopping crowds. I will go out and buy Christmas cards for family, though; I like to spend time reading the cards until I find the right one. I've already got the ones to send out to friends, although I haven't sent them yet. It seems I might need to buy some more - it's nice to realise you have more friends than you thought!

But I haven't been feeling very Christmassy. This term has flown by so quickly, and I'm just about still afloat. I'm making a concerted effort to clear the 'left overs' from my desk before Christmas, but more stuff keeps being added on to the list (not metaphorically - I've actually written a list so that I don't forget things, and can tick things off it).

I don't think I'll get through all of it - I'm working in Philosophy for four days before Christmas - but I'll have a go.

Ten days isn't very long...

Philosophical conversation.

Yesterday morning, I arrived on campus much earlier than I need to for work in the Philosophy Department office. I stopped off at the coffee shop to buy coffee and a pastry, and then took both to my office 45 minutes before work start time, so that I could finish a task for a small job that I didn't list in my earlier post, and that should have been done some time ago. If I'm honest, I had just forgotten about it. So here is the conversation that I had in the corridor outside my office with a member of the academic staff in Philosophy.

Philosopher: You're in early!

Me: No, I'm not really here.

Philosopher: Ah, Ok. I haven't really seen you.


And I ducked into my office, and he continued down the corridor.

This struck me as particularly appropriate conversation to have in a Philosophy Department corridor at 8.15am.

I'm not even here now, actually...

People

I like people. I usually trust people until they give me reason not to - yes, sometimes I get hurt that way, but I think it's better that than living in permanent suspicion and cynicism. I believe that most people are good people most of the time.

But today I'm disappointed. Today, people - specific and general - let me down.

One of my former students who is academically Very Bright had asked me to write a reference for his postgraduate applications. I learned through various grapevines before I agreed to this that other members of staff had refused because of his appallingly bad attendance. I decided, particularly because his attendance had not been too bad in my classes, and his record showed that his attendance this year was much better than last, that it would be unfair to condemn someone so Very Bright forever in academia because he didn't have his act together in his second year. If he were a student in Scotland, he would have had another year to redeem himself before such judgements were made. So, I agreed to write his references. He asked that I mention the particularly high grade he received for an independently planned and researched extended essay, and I said I would, of course, but to maintain my own and the Institution's academic integrity, I would also have to mention the disciplinary action over his attendance in the previous year. I would, I said, try to make this more positive by emphasising the drastic improvement in his attendance this year. I haven't been able to write them before today, and I happened to mention this to Colleague Who Worries Too Much (she is teaching this student this year), and it turns out that since I said I'd mention that his attendance was much improved, he has missed 3 or 4 classes without giving a reason. Now this may be a coincidence, but I'm not sure I haven't been manipulated here. I am taking the comments on his drastic improvement out of my reference.

More generally, I slipped and fell down some stairs today. Nothing is broken, and there is no major injury, although my ankles are aching a little. But I was in a very public place, and there were lots of people around - in and outside shops, standing in groups, wandering past - and not one of them, despite my loud shout of surprise / pain even looked to see if I was OK. Not a single one of them.

You let me down today, people. You let me down.

Where I've been.

Well, it's been a long time since I posted, so I thought I should say something. It isn't that nothing as been happening - it is just that I haven't had much to say about it.

I've finished reading Regeneration for job number 4, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm very excited to be lecturing on it next year. I've set the reading list for a course on Contemporary Women's Writing I'm teaching after Christmas. I've just about found my way around the Philosophy Dept. for job number 3, and seem to be getting a handle on the job I'm expected to do there. I've been teaching first years, marking essays on sonnets and trying to get around to writing references for a former student. I've been walking the Little Dog, and going to my ballroom / latin class.

Oh, and playing scrabble on facebook.